he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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