You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I pour the whiskey from now on
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
