Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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