so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
