i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize