why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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