Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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