I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
