I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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