I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
