If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
