ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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