I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
