sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
