my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
