And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
