It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
