i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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