i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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