so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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