I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
