Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
no, he came in my armpit
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize