I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
