just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
