Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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