Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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