We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
