Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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