My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
