if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
