I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
