chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
