just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize