guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
