Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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