I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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