my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Randomize
