so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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