One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
