so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize