did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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