Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
