Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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