Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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