Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
