I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize