summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
