Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
