Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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