So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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