i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
