Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
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