I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Dear god my vagina.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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