Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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