now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
