i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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