Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
