i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
