I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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