My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
