so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
