I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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