It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
