i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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