Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize