just come out here and I will go home with you...
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Who died my cat blue again?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
