Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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