you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
