I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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