Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
