When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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