I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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