and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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