I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
