oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
