This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize