We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Why is there bacon in the couch?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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