how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
