Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
