I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
