My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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