Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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