Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(323): View more from California

literally had 100 drinks last night.

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(217): View more from Illinois

i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.

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(714): View more from California

Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.

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(678): View more from Georgia

Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.

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(417): View more from Missouri

Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.

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(302): View more from Delaware

May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?

(1-302): View more from Delaware

The honor would be all mine.

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