yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
