the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
