Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
