woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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