how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
