I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
