It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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