ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
