Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize