i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
