Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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