He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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