I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize