Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
