i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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