Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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