All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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