Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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