yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
