Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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