I wish my penis had an off switch
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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