Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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