At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize